Best Present
Showing posts with label Mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mothering. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Engaging Cooperation
"A feeble will, bad habits, an uninstructed conscience, stick by many a Christian man through his life, because his parents failed in their duty to him, and he has not had force enough in himself to supply their omission."
Charlotte Mason
I have had one of those weeks. You know, when you feel convinced that there is a really big problem in your home. But psttt, I'll let you in on a little secret- my kids aren't the problem- it's me. They are only acting the way that I have allowed or even trained them to behave (yikes!). Feet are dragging. Voices are whining and I have not wanted to slow the pace of learning to deal with these character issues. Bad idea. Ms. Mason refers to the following quote from Dr. Morell's Introduction to Mental Philosophy: "The education of the will is really of far greater importance, as shaping the destiny of the individual, than that of the intellect. . . . Theory and doctrine, and inculcation of laws and propositions, will never of themselves lead to the uniform habit of right action. It is by doing, that we learn to do; by overcoming, that we learn to overcome; and every right act which we cause to spring out of pure principles, whether by authority, precept, or example, will have a greater weight in the formation of character than all the theory in the world."
My children's problems are my responsibility. I have let bad behaviors develop into bad habits. But my children aren't bad. I have neglected to train their wills in certain areas. They are not being willfull, they are being willess . Charlotte Mason says, " The will is a gift of God and should be used to temper and direct every other gift into useful channels, whether beauty or genius or strength or skill." In other words, I have not been expecting them to use their will to guide their actions towards better behavior and I probably haven't been doing it myself. Hmmmm.
Ms. Mason goes on to explain that the will is not what drives us off course as in the "strong-willed" child. But it is the failure to exercise our will as balance to our natural inclinations that leads us astray. Our will is our "bit and bridle". This is summed up in one of Miss Mason's mottoes, "I am, I can, I ought, I will." (emphasis mine.)
I have to find a way to engage my children for the next three weeks. Again, Ms. Mason is helpful, "... invite his co-operation, let him heartily intend and purpose to do the thing he is bidden, and then it is his own will that is compelling him, and not yours; he has begun the greatest effort, the highest accomplishment of human life––the making, the compelling of himself. Let him know what he is about, let him enjoy a sense of triumph, and of your congratulation, whenever he fetches his thoughts back to his tiresome sum, whenever he makes his hands finish what they have begun, whenever he throws the black dog off his back, and produces a smile from a clouded face."
I think it's time to call a family meeting and discuss what all of us would like to accomplish in the next few weeks and purpose to only do those things that we can do with the habit of excellence and also joyful hearts.
Charlotte Mason
I have had one of those weeks. You know, when you feel convinced that there is a really big problem in your home. But psttt, I'll let you in on a little secret- my kids aren't the problem- it's me. They are only acting the way that I have allowed or even trained them to behave (yikes!). Feet are dragging. Voices are whining and I have not wanted to slow the pace of learning to deal with these character issues. Bad idea. Ms. Mason refers to the following quote from Dr. Morell's Introduction to Mental Philosophy: "The education of the will is really of far greater importance, as shaping the destiny of the individual, than that of the intellect. . . . Theory and doctrine, and inculcation of laws and propositions, will never of themselves lead to the uniform habit of right action. It is by doing, that we learn to do; by overcoming, that we learn to overcome; and every right act which we cause to spring out of pure principles, whether by authority, precept, or example, will have a greater weight in the formation of character than all the theory in the world."
My children's problems are my responsibility. I have let bad behaviors develop into bad habits. But my children aren't bad. I have neglected to train their wills in certain areas. They are not being willfull, they are being willess . Charlotte Mason says, " The will is a gift of God and should be used to temper and direct every other gift into useful channels, whether beauty or genius or strength or skill." In other words, I have not been expecting them to use their will to guide their actions towards better behavior and I probably haven't been doing it myself. Hmmmm.
Ms. Mason goes on to explain that the will is not what drives us off course as in the "strong-willed" child. But it is the failure to exercise our will as balance to our natural inclinations that leads us astray. Our will is our "bit and bridle". This is summed up in one of Miss Mason's mottoes, "I am, I can, I ought, I will." (emphasis mine.)
I have to find a way to engage my children for the next three weeks. Again, Ms. Mason is helpful, "... invite his co-operation, let him heartily intend and purpose to do the thing he is bidden, and then it is his own will that is compelling him, and not yours; he has begun the greatest effort, the highest accomplishment of human life––the making, the compelling of himself. Let him know what he is about, let him enjoy a sense of triumph, and of your congratulation, whenever he fetches his thoughts back to his tiresome sum, whenever he makes his hands finish what they have begun, whenever he throws the black dog off his back, and produces a smile from a clouded face."
I think it's time to call a family meeting and discuss what all of us would like to accomplish in the next few weeks and purpose to only do those things that we can do with the habit of excellence and also joyful hearts.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Susannah Wesley
I've been doing some research on Susannah Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley. There are many things that are remarkable about her (like having 19 children!) but a few really stick out in my mind:
1) She made an intentional effort to spend individual time with each of her children- one hour per week. She educated all of her children at home so this was quite a feat!
2) Susannah prayed for two hours each day. If she couldn't find an empty room in which to pray, she would sit in a corner and throw her apron over her head!
I think what strikes me most about Susannah is that these astounding facts were told about her by her children after they had become adults. When she was a young mother, probably nobody knew how she spent her time but she eventually reaped the benefit of her convictions in the form of grown children who appreciated the example she set and the investment that she made in their lives.
Check here for a list of rules used in the Wesley household.
For an excellent blog post about Susannah with all of the appropriate foot notations, check here.
1) She made an intentional effort to spend individual time with each of her children- one hour per week. She educated all of her children at home so this was quite a feat!
2) Susannah prayed for two hours each day. If she couldn't find an empty room in which to pray, she would sit in a corner and throw her apron over her head!
I think what strikes me most about Susannah is that these astounding facts were told about her by her children after they had become adults. When she was a young mother, probably nobody knew how she spent her time but she eventually reaped the benefit of her convictions in the form of grown children who appreciated the example she set and the investment that she made in their lives.
Check here for a list of rules used in the Wesley household.
For an excellent blog post about Susannah with all of the appropriate foot notations, check here.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Food for thought....
Mike and I are reading Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. It is an excellent book and although this is my third time reading it, I probably need to continue reading it until my kids are grown. The book is based on the thoughts and teachings of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist of the early 20th century. Mike has been really inspired by Positive Discipline and so as a reminder (mostly for me...) we have the following posted on the family bulletin board:
8 Basic Adlerian Concepts
1. Children are social beings.
2. A child's behavior is goal oriented.
3. A child's primary goal is to belong and be significant.
4. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
5. Children must be taught social interest.
6. Children are equal in value to adults.
7. Mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn.
8. Make sure the message of love gets through.
8 Basic Adlerian Concepts
1. Children are social beings.
2. A child's behavior is goal oriented.
3. A child's primary goal is to belong and be significant.
4. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
5. Children must be taught social interest.
6. Children are equal in value to adults.
7. Mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn.
8. Make sure the message of love gets through.
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